Friday, May 29, 2009

#170. Losing gold teeth

Black people are fascinated by gold, more so than the Spanish Conquistadors of old. Black people love gold so much, that they have it fashioned to put onto their teeth, known throughout the Black community as "grillz".

A subculture has grown around this fascinating practice and has become a lucrative business for entrepreneur's hoping to affix their wares on the Black persons bicuspids.

One practitioner of the art of "grillzing" writes,

"Gold teeth are a product that has been increasingly growing over the past eight years, especially since the attention given to them from celebrities such as Nelly and Flavor Flav. Since that time, they've taken on several different names, such as gold fronts, gold caps, gold slugs, grills and grillz."

The problem for "grillz" advocates remains maintaining the integrity of said gold piece in their mouths, while using the restroom.

Recently at a Major League Baseball (MLB) game between the Atlanta Braves and the New York Mets, a woman lost one of her "grillz" in the latrine. While relieving herself, somehow her "grillz" become dislodged and ended up resting in the bowels of the commode.

Her first instinct was to attempt a rescue operation by jamming her hand into the toilet, but she became stuck. In the toilet. Fishing for her "grillz". Black people do not like losing gold teeth.

All stories of the deadly encounter with the toilet left out the racial group this women belonged too, but a call to the plumbing company that rescued this woman from mindless butchery at the hands of a "grillz" devouring toilet provided the answer: A Black woman.

As the Fox story continues:

"It's unclear how long she was trapped screaming in the john, but stadium security guards and emergency medical personnel eventually showed up.

But they could not pry her loose on their own.

The anxious victim, meanwhile, could only wait as the toilet continued to flush over her arm."

Video of the event is unavailable at the moment, but Stuff Black People Don't Like is asking readers to scourge the internet in hopes of finding cell phone videos or pictures of this woman fishing into the abyss of toiletry for her "grillz". Because, as you now know, Black people don't like losing gold teeth.

Worse, the woman never retrieved her gold tooth from the toilet.


Anonymous said...

oh my god i don't believe this. . . this is very shocking.

Anonymous said...

Get the story right it's not the fact the black people love golds as much as the fact of how much they cost. That was why they did that not cause she loved gold so much. She might have just spend 500$ on those and thats too much money to just flush down the toilet.

Anonymous said...

KRACKAZ MANE anything to try and lump us all together.Get your facts straight you funnydancin botox gettin juice drinkin chicken hatin ku klux klan member yall bitches dont talk dat shit when little jimmy gets his legs broken due to a skateboarding accident or one of yall die jumping out of a plane lol learn to critic your own race stop shooting up schools because you fail a test